Shane Pivac: Kintsugi – The New Me

August 16 – 22 is Brain Injury Awareness Week. This year’s theme 'Every brain injury is different' recognises the uniqueness of each injury and tells the stories of people and families impacted by brain injury across Australia. Our special guest this week is Shane Pivac, the talented photographer behind The Hopkins Centre's new Hero Image 'Kintsugi – The New Me'.

Can you tell us about your background as a photographer and videographer and about your lived experience as a traumatic brain injury survivor?

Photography started for me somewhere in 2011. On a whim, I decided to purchase a Canon 550D from a seller on Gumtree, and it lived in my hands for a few years pretty consistently after that. I have won multiple awards with online photography competitions and was growing a good following on Facebook, until it became more about the numbers than the passion. Videography in itself is what led me to the accident. I was getting pretty deep into drone video and had just ordered a new drone that would be able to follow me, dodge buildings, trees or any structure in its path. So exciting!! Little did I know, I’d be in hospital before the drone arrived.

I was frequently riding an Evolve Electric Skateboard. Capable of a solid 50km/h. (At first, it’s a little scary, after some time though, that speed becomes very slow). I had started practising adventurous lines whilst skating to prepare for when I had the new drone. I had also learnt how to skate and fly my drone autonomously; I even have a video from a week or two before the accident, where I was flying and riding.

(Side note…During this time I had also seen my local GP about a heartbeat I consistently heard in my ear all day. I was meant to be getting a scan – which I never did. Whoops.)

Come 26 October 2016. I was placed in a coma for 5 weeks and that is where my journey started.

The REAL story of a TBI survivor is not something I could put into any one paragraph or conversation.

I often describe it as being in a dark, dark tunnel. I have no perception of space, I’m extremely dizzy (like being very dehydrated), struggling to walk due to the weakness in my legs, like being on a rocky, uneven surface. I feel extremely lonely, like nobody would ever understand my struggles. There is, however, a faint glimmer of light at the END of this tunnel.

I keep walking, constantly slipping, sometimes falling. Time constantly passes, I never seem to get closer to this light at the end of the tunnel. Constantly tiring out, having to take a rest. My anger, my aggression, it all comes out to play. My loneliness is taking a very bad toll on me mentally. Will I ever make it out? Am I forever stuck in this lonely heartache, this struggle, and for what?

That to me, that is the journey of a TBI. There is never a true answer on whether you will reach that lovely, bright light at the end. Or, when exactly that “end” moment will come. For me, thankfully it was around the 4 ½ year mark.

 

Your self-portrait Kintsugi: The New Me – which won acclaim in the National Injury Insurance Scheme Queensland (NIISQ) photographic competition, has become the “Hero Image” for the Hopkins Centre. Can you tell us the story behind this very special artwork and what it means to you?

I came across the concept of Kintsugi whilst scrolling the web. It hit me hard in the feels. All the changes that I was dealing with at that time, could be looked at as a beautiful part of what makes me… me? I mean, really? I can have a good outlook on this. My mindset shift was astronomical from then on.

When constructing the image, I had my wife painting me, we were trying to do small cracks and make it very minimal and clean. Those images weren’t coming out that great (I was shooting via remote).

It came down to accounting for my vast array of injuries that we would just pour the paint over me to really try and capture the amount of healing/repair that I would require.

This painting means the world to me, due to the concept of “Kintsugi” allowing me to believe that I am still beautiful, exactly how I am. Kintsugi could almost be viewed as ‘better’ or even more beautiful. That’s a hopeful thought right there.

I was able to start my journey to stop the comparison of what and who I was before the accident. That, in itself, was a long process over the years, but it was the starting point to my mindset shift. Which to me, was the biggest struggle with the changes I was dealing with.

There were some small, but very significant things that happened during the painting process that surprised – but resonated with me – for example, some of the paint had gotten into my eye, which reminded me of my hospital stay, when – initially, I was unable to see or focus through either of my eyes, as they had a habit of falling off to the sides (I had damaged nerves to my eyes). I had to wear a patch and swap that patch every day to strengthen my eyes until the Ophthalmologist was happy with my progress, and I was able to remove the patch.

 To read the rest of this blog and others in full, visit The Dignity Project and join the Community Hub, by clicking the button that says "Join the Community Hub": http://www.hopkinscentre.edu.au/the-dignity-project